What a Difference!

I'm still amazed at what a big difference a pacemaker has made in my Mom's energy levels! She has gone from the "old lady" Mom that I constantly worried about to a younger version of herself. It's really made a great difference.

Mom is doing well. We went to Rush for the first follow-up pacemaker appointment last week. They check Mom's scar and deemed that it's closing up and healing just fine. No infection. Halleluiah! Mom has strict orders to stay away from the catbox and the basement in order to avoid contamination. As you'll recall, our basement flooded recently and I'm worried that she will touch something and get bacteria on her scar. So, she is forbidden to do any more laundry. Those are now my chores (additional!).

We'll return to Rush for a second follow-up visit in which they will test the pacemaker to ensure it is functioning properly for Mom. That appointment is at the beginning of October. They are also supposed to show her how to use the phone to report in or test the pacemaker. That should be interesting.

Mom's coumadin levels have returned to normal. We had to make a few trips to Rush as her levels were slow to build back up again after being off coumadin for her tooth extraction and pacemaker procedure. Now, however, things are normal.

The day we went to Rush for her pacemaker follow-up appointment, we also stopped at the other building to have her coumadin levels checked. There was a fire drill that day (or someone pulled the alarm) and we had to evacuate the building and stand outside for about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, the clinic is on the 5th floor, so Mom (and LOTS of other mobility challenged patients!) had to walk down 5 flights of stairs to evacuate the building. If there would have been a real fire, we might have burned! But Mom did a pretty good job of navigating the stairs while others were trying to pass her and evacuate. I'm proud that she didn't panic or get frustrated. She just kept on going and did what she had to do.

What a good lesson I learned that day - no matter what... just keep moving forward and do what needs to be done. Mom is still teaching me every day!

Pacemaker Procedure - A Week Ago

Mom's pacemaker procedure was a week ago and she is doing just great! She really has more energy! She also appears to be steadier on her feet, so her walking has improved. I still think that she should use a cane, but at least she is not wobbling around like a drunken sailor anymore.

Now that Mom feels more confident leaving the house, we have been walking just a bit every day. We haven't let her go anywhere unattended yet, so I have been her escort. Today, she had a hair appointment (finally!), so I walked the 3 blocks with her. Unfortunately, it was drizzling a bit, so Mom had to carry an umbrella. I am still carrying her purse. I am using the wi-fi at the Chicago Public Library across the street from Gilmart while she is at the hair dresser. I will meet her at Gilmart shortly and then we'll walk home. It's all good. Mom gets her hair done and feels better about herself, she gets some walking in, she sees her friends at Gilmart... and then she will attend the Senior Citizen meeting this afternoon. Her friend Alfrieda is picking her up so that they can arrive together. Mom should have loads of gossip to tell me later today. ;-)

Mom seems so much younger than before her surgery! It's just amazing what the proper heartbeat can do for a person. I think her body is even functioning better. For example, her kidneys seem to be functioning better as she is urinating every few hours rather than every 6 hours as she did previously. Seems like a little thing, but I know that it's contributing to her overall health.

Mom has a follow-up appointment with the cardiology department at Rush Medical Center on Thursday, September 9th. Hopefully, they will give her the "all good" signal and then we can stop acting as her bodyguards. Truthfully, I think that Mom likes the attention she gets when she has us as escorts/bodyguards. Life is good.

Mom is Recuperating

Mom had surgery 4 days ago and she is recovering quite well. At first, Mom just wanted to stay in the house. She didn't even want to go outside to the garden. This surprised me a bit, but I figured that I'd leave it alone. However, when she started down the same path the next day, I asked her to go out to the garden with me. We were only out for about 10 minutes and we picked a few tomatoes. She is careful not to carry much weight on her left arm, so she had me bring the tomatoes inside.

I think this short outing gave Mom a bit of confidence. She then asked me if I would walk to Gilmart with her. On the way, she wanted to stop at her friend's house to visit. We spent about 15 minutes there and then made our way to Gilmart. Mom got to also see and visit with a few friends during this time. Additionally, she got her lottery "fix"... and won $60 in the process!

Mom decided to postpone her hair appointment until Saturday. Then, when Saturday arrived, again postponed the appointment to next Thursday.

And the big decision of the week: No Bingo for Mom on Friday. Instead, she stayed home and took her first allowed shower since surgery. She had to wash her incision with soap and water and then pat it dry. It's starting to itch a bit and I think that's a good sign.

Mom needed some help drying herself off and getting dressed. She appears to be "babying" her left arm a bit. I seem to always assist her with getting up off the couch, etc.

This worries me just a bit, especially since her incision looks a bit red to me. However, Mom is taking her antibiotics faithfully.

My sister (a nurse) stopped by today and looked at the incision. She says that it is healing nicely. This is a good thing!

Post-Surgery Day 2

Mom came home from the hospital yesterday about noon and took it easy for the rest of the day. I "made her" take some Tylenol for any pain she might have, but she insists that she is not really in any pain. The Tylenol helped her to sleep and other than waking during the night to urinate, she slept fairly well.

It's now day 2 and Mom says that there is no pain other than some tenderness near the incision site. This is probably to be expected. Mom had me inspect the incision site this morning for any signs of infection. I'm happy to report that there are none.

Mom is really doing well. She is definitely taking it easy... just watching TV, walking a bit from room to room, eating normal meals, etc. However, she didn't go outside again today. Not even to pick tomatoes!

Tomorrow will be the tell-all; it's Bingo day. Mom has a hair appointment in the morning and I have promised that I'd go with her to the salon and either wait for her or come back to pick her up. She is not yet sure if she will venture out to get her hair done. I know that she is contemplating going to Bingo, however. She has told me that she doesn't really want to go, but just might since she'll have lots to talk about. We'll see what she decides tomorrow.

The biggest sign (at least for me) that Mom is feeling more like herself is that she is actually talking on the phone and enjoying it. In recent times (many months or so), Mom has avoided the phone. She just didn't want to talk. Since her surgery, she is VERY talkative. This is the Mom that I know and love. My Mom is a talker. When I observe her "gossiping" on the phone, my heart is filled with gladness. It appears that my Mother is back to herself again. Thank you, Doctor T!

Mom Has Been Discharged from the Hospital

Mom was discharged from the hospital today. It's unbelievable to think that an 83 year old woman had pacemaker surgery yesterday and is back in her own home today. She is doing great!

Mom had a chest x-ray this morning and the doctor told her that everything was working just fine. Her pacemaker is set between 70 and 115 beats per minute. Therefore, if she "exercises" (read that as walks to Gilmart), the pacemaker will accommodate that. She says that she does feel a difference. My sister says that since she is recovering from surgery, she may not feel much of a difference just yet, but she will as she heals.

The pacemaker was inserted just under her collarbone. Mom has a pretty nasty scar at the moment. It's 2-3 inches in length and is pretty red. There are no stitches. Apparently, they "glued" it together... whatever that means in medical terms. We will diligently watch for signs of infection. And Mom will take her antibiotics faithfully for 3 days. Picture of incision at the end... do not view if you are squeamish.

Mom has a list of instructions to follow. She cannot raise her left arm above her head for 8 weeks. She cannot lift more than 10 lbs for 8 weeks. She can no longer go through metal detectors and cannot even have the hand wand used on her. She has a special card for her wallet that gives her membership into a special club for pacemaker wearers in order for her to avoid these things. She will not have to be hand searched if she travels.

She does not have to avoid microwaves, computers, cell phones, etc. as pacemakers wearers did in the past. She is supposed to use the cell phone on her right side rather than her left, but other than that, there are no restrictions with electronic equipment. It's pretty interesting what progress is made in a decade or two.

Mom is feeling well and is taking phone calls. We have not determined if she'll go to Bingo on Friday yet, but we'll take every day as it comes.

Again, thank you all for your positive thoughts and prayers. We appreciate it!

Here's that picture of Mom's incision. Avoid if you are squeamish.

Pacemaker Procedure - Another Success!

Mom feels like a new woman! An hour after her pacemaker procedure, she looks better and has more energy than I've observed in the past two years. Seriously, she seems like a different (younger!) version of herself.

This morning, she was kind of whiny and complaining like an "old woman". A few hours later, post surgery, she is laughing, talking, eating, joking, and smiling like she doesn't have a care in the world. It's so good to see her like this! This is the Mom that I know and love. I am now fully convinced that Dr. T is God's angel representative on this earth.

We arrived at Rush Medical Center at 6:30am and started the check-in process. We were then escorted to the Ambulatory Center for pre-surgical prep. Mom changed into a robe and slippers and had her blood pressure taken and had some blood drawn. She is such a trooper and didn't complain at all. Well, except when they told her that she had to take all her clothes off... including her underwear. Apparently, Mom's modesty was affronted. ;-) We then proceeded to a family waiting room until it was Mom's turn to head into surgery. It was just a few moments before she was climbing into her wheel chair to head to surgery. She was so anxious to get into the wheel chair that she almost forgot to hug and kiss us! She just didn't think about it. I guess she knew that she had no reason to say goodbye to her daughters.

My sister and I went to the cafeteria and had breakfast and then headed to the waiting room (which was packed, by the way) to wait on news of our Mother. Dr. T called us at about 9:45am to let us know that the surgery was over, it went well, the pacemaker was working well, and that they were stitching her up and would send her to Recovery for about an hour before assigning a room for the night. We got the call that she was in her room at about 11:15am. When we arrived at her room, she was doing so well! If I didn't know that she had surgery that morning, I would have never guessed. She is just such a new woman!

Mom will stay in bed for 4 hours, then is allowed to walk around, etc. She will have a chest xray tomorrow and then will be released.

She is already arguing with us. She doesn't want to understand that there is a specific procedure to get her back to "normal" for her Coumadin levels. She is telling all of us what dosage of pill she should take. Yes, this is the Frances we all know and love. She is baaaaaaaaaaccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk!

Dental Procedure - A Success

Mom had her tooth extracted this morning. Apparently, it was pretty infected and her dentist had to do some "digging around" to get all of the infection. (UGH No wonder I "hate" the dentist!) She was a model patient and we left the dentist's office armed with a pack of gauze, a prescription for amoxicillan and a list of instructions.

Mom is pretty numbed up, so we went to the drug store to fill her antibiotic prescription and pick up another that she had ordered yesterday. I was impressed that the pharmacist asked about her warfarin/coumadin and asked questions about her tooth extraction. It's good to have everyone working together to ensure that your meds are actually working for you rather than against you!

The extraction site is still bleeding a bit, so Mom is relaxing right now. So far, she is not in any pain. However, I don't think she'll be able to eat very much today. I bought some protein shakes so that she'd get some nutrients, especially since she cannot eat past midnight tonight in preparation for tomorrow's procedure.

Seeing my Mom a bit "under the weather" or "out of sorts" today after her tooth extraction gives me a weird feeling. I guess I don't like seeing my Mother not being her active self. It's nonsensical, I know. There is nothing to fear at this point.

Many thanks to all of you for your well wishes and prayers. We appreciate it more than you could ever know!

Final Preparations

We're in final countdown mode now. Mom had taken her last dose of Coumadin on Wednesday night. I washed the pajamas and clothes that Mom wants to take to the hospital for her overnight (hopefully!) stay. Both appointments have been confirmed. We're ready!

Over the past few weeks, Mom has mentioned several times that she should postpone her surgery. Every time something comes up in the family (a small issue, perhaps), she uses this as a reason to postpone the inevitable. However, A and I just say something like "No, you have to have your surgery because we need you now more than ever." This usually does the trick. I have lost count how many times I have had to have this conversation with Mom... at least a dozen times! We are not letting her get cold feet.

Mom is having part 1 of her scheduled procedure tomorrow (Monday). She is headed to the dentist for a 9am appointment to get a tooth extracted. I am hopeful that she will not be in too much pain from the extraction. I'm sure the dentist will give us a prescription in case the pain gets bad, but I already know that Mom will not take anything stronger than a Tylenol (I mean the GENERIC version we finally talked her into!). It'll be good to have the prescription anyway as a backup plan.

Mom has planned to have a substantial breakfast in case she can't chew much later on. She also wants to pick up a milkshake on the way home for the dentist. She has the most interesting thought processes! I may have to pick up some "Ensure" or "Slimfast" for her to drink as well. At least those are meal replacements.

Part 2 of the scheduled procedures is on Tuesday at 8am. That's when we head to the hospital for the pacemaker procedure. We will check in at 6:30am at Rush Medical Center. Dr. T begins his work at 8am. A has taken the day off from work, so we will wait together during the procedure and see Mom when she has a new heart rate. I'm excited for her!

I know that it's not her time to leave us yet. However, your prayers are still wanted and welcomed. I will update this blog daily this week.

Fingers crossed!

Our Garden's Bounty!

Like most Chicagoan's (those actually living within the city's boundaries), we have a small backyard. Therefore, our garden plot is pretty small. It's dimensions are approximately 14'x4'. We had good luck with green peppers and tomatoes last year, so I planted those again this year. I planted in early June as I wanted to wait until the days were warmer and the ground wasn't frozen. My expectation was that we'd have some produce around the end of July.

Last year, I got seedlings from Lowe's Garden Center. They were nice, sturdy plants and had a good yield. This year, Adrienne recommended that I check out the garden center at Walmart. The seedlings looked pretty sturdy and they were priced really well. I couldn't resist expanding our tomato crop, so this year I got Early Girls in addition to Big Boys and Better Boys. I went a bit "crazy" and got 2 dozen more seedlings than last year. When I planted the seedlings, they were all in neat rows spaced exactly 6 inches apart. Yes, I understand just how "anal retentive" I am. I call it "organized". I pointed out how beautifully the garden was planted to A. She said "You know that the plants grow, don't you?" Yes... thank you... I didn't know that. ha ha You can tell that we are sisters, can't you?

The Big Boys and Better Boys have grown to similar sizes as last year. A few feet high, not spreading out too much, you can still see the rows I planted. However, the Early Girls (of which I got a LOT), have exceeded my growth expectations. They are all between 4 and 5 feet tall! They are growing wildly and have so many tomatoes on them! I just shake my head when I go out to the garden.



The green peppers, on the other hand, were a disappointment until about a week ago. There were no peppers on the plants, other than maybe 1 or 2. I was actually going to pull them all out and perhaps plant a Fall harvested crop of squash or something. Good thing I didn't because I now have peppers everywhere! We harvested 6 of them the other day and I made stuffed peppers for dinner last night.

Mom grew up on a farm. She usually takes a passing interest in my garden. That is, until it starts to yield. She LOVES eating tomatoes fresh from the garden! When we got our first reddish tomato (when they just start to turn red), she was so excited. Now, she goes into the garden every day and reports on the progress of the tomatoes. And, she is picking my tomatoes before they are ready! Yes, my Mother likes to have tomatoes on our kitchen windowsill. She likes to see the progress they make every day. And she examines them regularly and eats them the moment they are ready. We have only had a couple of tomatoes that have been ready to eat, but they were sure tasty! Mom is anxiously awaiting more fresh tomatoes so that she can eat them daily.




Since Mom enjoy the yield from my garden so much, how can I deny her the joy of picking the tomatoes (early or not) and watching them ripen? It's such a small pleasure. Why would I even complain?

A Piece of History... Lost!

Mom, A and I went to Kim's wedding shower last weekend. It was really great for the 3 of us to do something together. We got to see several of our female relatives (you know how it is with wedding stuff... mainly females invited!) and catch up with people we haven't seen for years.

The shower was at the Seven Bridges Golf Club in Woodridge, so the atmosphere was tranquil and beautiful. There were appetizers on the veranda and an awesome champagne punch served with it. We played a couple of games and I even won a prize for a game in which you had to identify romantic couples. I got 21/25 right. Yes, I am competitive!

Kim got a lot of wonderful gifts and the afternoon was an all around wonderful time. That is, until we were on the way home. Mom started acting strangely during the drive home. She was digging in her purse constantly. We thought she was looking for toll money. Adrienne even commented on it. She just kept digging and digging and then got kind of quiet. We thought she was tired. Once we got home, she kept it up and even emptied out the bag with cookies we took home from the shower. I just let her go for it and figured that she'd let me know what was up eventually.

In retrospect, Adrienne and I probably should have pressed Mom earlier for an answer as to why she was digging in her purse. Things many have turned out differently. However, we can't change the past, we can only move forward. Having said that, I am so heartsick about what happened that it has taken me an entire week to be able to blog about it. Here it is:

Mom lost her engagement ring at the shower. The ring my father gave her 50 years ago. A ring that meant a great deal to Mom. LOADS of sentimental value.

Mom is just sick about it. She was not eating very well previously and had dropped a few pounds. Therefore, the ring was loose on her pinkie finger. She had taken the ring off a couple of years ago because it was too tight on her ring finger. She only pulls it out and wears it occasionally on her pinkie. Usually, there is no problem with this. However, this time it was quite loose. Mom noted this, but decided to wear it anyway knowing that she'd be really careful of it.

Of course, the worst possible thing happened. Mom lost her ring.

I immediately called Kim's mom and asked if anyone had found the ring. She gave me the phone number of the golf club and I called there, spoke to the F&B manager (who was in the room with us during the shower). He looked all over the room, in the vacuum cleaner bag, etc. No luck. The ring is gone.

I am still hoping that someone picked it up and is having such guilt over it that they will somehow return it to us. I know that is naive of me, but I believe there are still good people in the world. How could anyone live with themselves if they found and kept a 50 year old ring belonging to an 83 year old widow?

Yes, Mom is having to deal with the consequences of her actions. Is this just a coincidence? Or is it the start of more to come?

Either way, we are all heartsick over this. Maybe St. Jude can help us. Isn't he the saint of impossible causes????????

We Have Accomplished the Near Impossible!

Yes, we have finally gotten Mom to agree to schedule her procedures!

Since Mom is on coumadin and will have to go off the drug prior to the pacemaker procedure, she is also having a tooth extracted the day before so that she does not have to go off coumadin twice. Apparently, this would increase the odds that she'd develop a blood clot. Therefore, we are avoiding that option.

Mom is having her tooth extracted on Monday, August 23rd at 9am. She is then having her pacemaker procedure on Tuesday, August 24th at 8am. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, Mom will spend 8/24 in the hospital and come home the following day on 8/25.

I'm crossing my fingers that she will be full-steam-ahead and will want to go to Bingo on Friday 8/27. She'll have loads to tell her friends!

I think that Mom is relieved to finally have this scheduled and settled. I don't think she was quite ready to commit to the procedure when Dr. T first suggested it to her. Now that she has had time to digest the news and prepare herself, she is willing to get it done. I just know that she is going to have so much more energy and stamina once the pacemaker is in place. She will not have to worry about her low heart rate and can go about her business. It must be stressful to have to plan out activities based on whether your heart can "take it" or not. Shortly, that stress will be relieved!

I'm really glad that Mom has committed to getting the pacemaker. As we prepare for these procedures, I will continue to post details. Once again, please keep Mom in your prayers asking God to get her safely through the procedures.

Throwing Away the Past

Chicago had some incredible rain totals a couple of days in a row. Unfortunately, the sewer systems couldn't handle the amount of rain that accumulated so quickly and many basements and backyards flooded in both the city and suburbs. The basement in Mom's house took in about a foot of water and her backyard (and my tomatoes!) were underwater for a day. Luckily, the water in our basement receded fairly quickly. However, there is still a massive clean-up to undertake.

Mom is a saver. She keeps mementos from our childhood, family vacations, weddings, graduations, etc. She also keeps clothing. Her reasoning for keeping clothing is that she will have a garage sale someday. So far, that hasn't happened. My point? We have lots of boxes stored in the basement.

The majority of the boxes that are stored are kept off the ground. We have flooded in the past, so we've learned to keep most items on shelves, etc. However, when I returned to Chicago, I added a dozen or so boxes to the storage. Shelving was at a premium, so some boxes ended up near the ground. Still on shelves, but on the bottom shelves. Bummer.

The good news is that the majority of the water was in the back of the basement (near the front of the house) and we had most of the boxes above the water line. However, we have some furniture back there (recliners, mainly)and those got wet. The room that housed my boxes got about 6 inches of water, but that was enough to saturate the boxes on the bottom shelves. I lost some incredible cookbooks, some awesome mementos from past adventures, and some reading material/papers from my MBA program. That was thrown out immediately. End of story for me. Discard and move on.

Mom had a more difficult time throwing her ruined items away. She wanted to look at each item before discarding it. Each piece of paper. Each card. Each magazine. Each church bulletin. Yes, she saves some strange things (in my opinion). Most items were things that she could eventually throw away. She enjoyed reading the notes from family members that she had saved. I guess it was a way to relive that relationship or experience. She took longer than I did to discard all her ruined items, but we both got to the same place eventually. I guess that's what really matters.

Still Procrastinating...

Well, Mom is still procrastinating about setting a date for getting a pacemaker. Yes, still. A and I have talked to Mom about this and have encouraged her to choose a date and let us call to schedule the procedures. However, she is still "waffling".

For the past week or so, we have both heard how her pulse rate is up in the 50's now, so there is no need for the pacemaker. We have let Mom "waffle" since we do not want to force her to get a pacemaker unless she wants one. We have encouraged her to talk to people she knows who have a pacemaker. Everyone she talks to has told her that they IMMEDIATELY felt better. Still, she hesitates.

The good news is that Mom is concerned that if she doesn't schedule the procedure soon, she will "mess up" with Doctor T. Her words. I think Mom realizes that she has procrastinated as long as she can and must now choose to get the procedure... or not.

I am still hopeful that she will make the choice to have the pacemaker. We should have an answer by next week. Fingers crossed!

My Mother, the Worrier.

My Mother worries about everything. Sometimes, she focuses her worrying on herself. I have posted previously about my Mother worrying about herself, specifically, when she worries about her low pulse rate. When she worries about her pulse, she takes her pulse several times during the day and really focuses on it. She can get rather morose when she does this.

At other times, like now, Mom worries about others, usually family members. It could be a family member's health issues that worry her. Or maybe a family member is having troubles with their spouse/kids. Or financial issues. Whatever the worry is, Mom internalizes it and worries about it like it is her own trouble. It may even affect her physically. This is taking empathy to a whole new level... perhaps to an art form!

Mom is currently worried about a family member. Actually, she is most likely worried about a couple of family members. She is REALLY worried. And it's affecting her greatly. She cannot eat. She doesn't want to talk to anyone and is avoiding the phone. Because she doesn't want to talk, she not socializing. She is even "avoiding" Gilmart! My final clue that Mom is truly worried is that she has lost interest in the lottery. This is a big deal! She doesn't want any scratcher tickets. She is not interested in getting Pick 3 and Pick 4 tickets. She is barely even taking the time to watch the live lottery drawings on TV.

As always, things will work out one way or another. They usually do whether we worry about them or not. I'm not sure what Mom's worrying is supposed to accomplish. But that is just the way she is. She is a worrier. She is like a dog with a bone with this "worrying thing" and it's starting to affect her health. I hope it comes to an end soon... especially since she is using this to postpone her tooth extraction and pacemaker procedure.

Any suggestions to help her through the worrying?

Am I Creating A Monster???

I must be doing a good job of making Mom feel secure. When I'm around, she seems to be pretty steady, has the ability to do things on her own, takes some initiative, etc. However, remove me from the mix, and she appears to flounder. Am I giving her too much opportunity to be dependent on me?

I spent a couple of night away from home recently. Mom called me 3 times per day. Just to chat. Not because she felt ill or needed my help. Just because she wanted to talk to someone. I think it might be because she's now used to having someone in her house. It's not all that easy to be alone once you've shared a home with someone, apparently. It's kind of cute. However, not always.

I usually call Mom first thing in the morning (well, HER first thing in the morning!) to hear how she is feeling. She seems to like this and again, I think it makes her feel secure. So, the one day that I did not call her, she calls me and the first words out of her mouth are "Why didn't you call me this morning? Don't you care if I lived or died last night?"

ASIDE ONLY: What? Are you kidding me? Of course I care whether she lives or dies. Why would I be doing all that I am doing if I didn't care? UGH

But did I say any of that to Mom? Of course not! I just told her that things got hectic and that I intended to call her shortly, but she called first. I guess she really does enjoy the security I provide.

I hope I'm not creating a monster. Am I?

My Mom is "Skewed"!

I've mentioned previously that my Mom has been complaining about her arm lately. Her arm hurts. Her arm is losing strength. Her arm can't move in a certain direction. Because of this, Mom often needs help buckling her seatbelt or carrying groceries... or even carrying her purse.

Now, we've come to a new threshold: Mom needs help getting dressed.

At first, it was just her bra. Because her arm can't move in certain positions, Mom had a hard time getting her bra hooked and turned around. Ladies, you know the "struggle" I'm talking about! I could understand that. It's something that has to be done, so what can I do?

Now, it's her pants. I have noticed lately that Mom's pants are "skewed". What I mean by skewed is that her seams don't line up. Especially the back seam. It's a strange thing to walk behind your Mother and see that her pants are not on straight. It's even stranger (and really funny, actually!) to understand that her seams aren't straight because she had trouble pulling her pants on.

Mom will not ask for help with her pants. However, she has told me that if I notice that she is "skewed", I should let her know. Sometimes, it's just easier to act. LOL

Surprise Visit!

I love surprises (when they don't have to do with work-related things). And yesterday, we received a surprise visit from my cousin Dave and his wife Bianka from Houston. It was so wonderful to see them!!! I didn't know that they were on vacation and driving around the Midwest visiting relatives, so when they rang the doorbell last night, it was unexpected. But that doesn't mean it was bad. We love them dearly and they are welcome at our home at any time. :-)

They had stopped at Gilmart before visiting us. I'm sensing a trend here. Anyone who visits us gets hooked on Gilmart and their European-style offering. You just can't beat the food there!

We had a wonderful visit. They got to chat with Mom and ask about her upcoming pacemaker procedure. It was nice that they spent time with her. I enjoy seeing how excited she gets when we have visitors. Mom's just so cute at times.

Speaking of pacemaker procedures, we haven't scheduled it yet, but are leaning towards Tuesday, August 3rd. Tooth pulled on Monday, August 2nd. I'll let you know once it's firm.

Bianka and I got to chatting about photos. Dave is a "documenting fool" when it comes to photos. I've always admired that. He takes lots of family photos during vacation and often shares in Christmas or birthday cards. It's a great way to stay connected when miles apart. I now really understand the importance of photos and staying connected. You never know when your current visit will be your last. Plus, the photo helps you to remember the feelings/love/circumstances of the event. I love photos!

Here's one from last night's visit. Enjoy!

We Have Triumphed!

Just got back from a visit to Mom's cardiologist... and here it is... the big news... he has finally convinced her to get a pacemaker!!!

There was definitely still some reluctance on Mom's part. But Dr. T. got the job done in the end and convinced her that a pacemaker was the way to go. I'm really glad because I think she'll have more energy and she'll be less worried about her pulse rate as it will not be in the 30s anymore!

There is only one small "complication". Mom must have a tooth extracted and since she is currently on coumadin, she will have to go off her meds to have the tooth extracted. Dr. T has recommended that Mom have that procedure done first and then a DAY LATER have the pacemaker put in. I know that Mom was thinking that she would have weeks in between the two procedures, but apparently it is not good to take her off coumadin, put her back on, take her off again, and then put her back on again. Something about her more likely to throw a clot with all that messing around.

I was supposed to call the dentist when we got home to see when he was available to do the tooth extraction so that we could schedule the pacemaker procedure based on Dr. T's calendar. However, Mom would not let me call the dentist today. I really don't know why. But I think she needs a day to absorb all this. I am hoping that the dentist is not taking a long weekend and will be in his office tomorrow. Otherwise, I'll have to wait until Tuesday to call. Mom is a procrastinator at heart... I can see where those tendencies of mine come from. Well, I won't let her wait much longer. I will get this scheduled and then let her have time to think about it while she is waiting for the surgery.

Speaking of surgery, the pacemaker procedure will take place with general anesthesia. It's a 2 hour procedure and Dr. T himself will perform it. That makes me happy. I don't want one of his Fellows to do this procedure. Mom will have to spend the night in the hospital afterwards to ensure that all goes well. I'm sure that it will.

I'll keep you posted as to when we schedule all of this. Please start praying that all goes well!

Mom's TV Adventures

Did I mention that I have brought my Mother over to the dark side? Yes, she has also become a reality TV junkie! LOL With all the TV she has watched lately, she can't help but come across all the reality TV and fall for it, hook, line and sinker. And she has. Mom's absolutely favorite TV show (now that Grey's Anatomy has gone on hiatus for the Summer) is The Bachelor. Every Monday night, she is glued to the TV to find out the latest adventures of Ali in her quest to find love. I had previously "sworn off" this show after the Jason and Melissa/Molly fiasco, but got hooked by Mom last season with Jake (and the now ex-fiance Vienna) and have done it again with Ali.

So why did I fall into The Bachelor "excitement" again? It's simple - Mom can't keep it all straight and I feel compelled to watch with her so that I can explain what's going on and remind her of things. Since she is hooked, I feel badly that she can't keep the guys straight, she can't remember what happened on dates, who Ali likes or doesn't like, etc. It's kind of pointless to watch unless you can keep all of the drama straight, right?

Well, that's my reasoning anyway.

This past Monday, Mom sure got her pulse rate going with all the drama between Ali and Justin. I'm almost thankful for this show since it's getting her pulse rate up into the 40s!

Yes, I'll take the little victories as I can. ;-)

Mind Over Matter?

Thursday cannot come soon enough for me. We visit Mom's cardiologist at noon on Thursday and I'm hoping that we'll have some solutions for Mom. She is VERY affected by her low pulse. Yes, she is experiencing some dizziness, so she is physically affected. However, she appears to be affected mentally as well. Let me clarify:

When Mom gets up in the morning, she sits in the living room where it is quiet and takes her pulse. If her pulse is above 40 (and close to 50), she is happy and says that she feels good. However, if her pulse is below 40 (or close to 40), then she doesn't feel good. She is using her pulse rate as an indicator of how she feels. This is strange.

Not only does Mom say that she doesn't really feel good, she also takes her pulse again about every hour after that for the remainder of the day.

OK, I get that she is worried about her low pulse. She probably should be. But unless her pulse decreases a lot or she feels really dizzy, does it really matter?

All I know is that Mom is worried about this and it's affecting the quality of her life. She is becoming more of a home body and is just sitting around watching TV. It reminds me of how my Dad was in his later years. UGH

I am praying that Doctor T. helps us!!!

Time to Visit the Cardiologist Again!

Mom's heart rate has slowed down again. Her baseline has lowered back down to the low 40s, she has a hard time even finding her pulse many times, her heart beat is irregular and now, she is sometimes lightheaded (this has happened 2x's in the past 2 weeks). So, we're not waiting until her scheduled 6 month visit with Dr. T, we have an appointment for July 1st. Thanks, A, for making that happen.

Maybe this time, the recommendation will be for Mom to get a pacemaker. I don't know yet if she is ready for this. I just asked her about it and she said, "Maybe I'll live longer if I get it. It Ralph lived until 90 and Jean M. has had one for a long time, maybe it would be ok for me to get one." So I think we are making progress. She was adamantly opposed to getting a pacemaker in the past. Now, her attitude is softening towards it. So if Doctor T believes that it is the best course of action for Mom, she may be getting one.

More updates on this topic after our appointment next week.

Accepting Death... the Tipping Point?

Mom and I went to our neighbor's wake yesterday (Mrs. K). Mom planned her entire day around this activity. Two days previously, she had asked me, "So what time do you want to go to Mrs. K's wake?" Mom likes to attend early during the visiting hours because the family "expects her to be there early". I find that hard to believe, but go along with it anyway. What's the harm?

So, we ended up attending about 4:15pm. Yes, right in time to experience a Polish priest conducting a prayer service for her. And for the Polish Highlander group (or whatever that blue hat society is called) to attend and sing in Polish. Definitely interesting and very nice, but makes our visit much longer since they are in the front of the room and we can't just go up to the family to express our sympathies as you normally would.

Mom was in her glory talking to the family and reminiscing. There were also several of her friends in attendance, so she got to sit and visit with them as well. We were there for TWO HOURS, but who's counting? LOL

Mrs. K's funeral was today at 10am. As far as funerals go, it was a really moving service with a good homily and lots of singing in Polish. Those songs really make me emotional! I kept thinking about Mrs. K and how she loved the Polish hymns. She was a good neighbor and we'll miss her.

Luckily, it was a beautiful, but humid, day in Chicago today... at least until all this was over. Once we were home, a HUGE thunderstorm moved in to give us some relief. But during the funeral activities, Mrs. K had sunny skies.

Each family handles the burial differently. Mrs. K's family chose a graveside service and everyone remained while the casket was lowered into the ground (actually into that cement box thingy) and the cover was put in place. Kind of interesting. I hadn't attended one of those for a long time. It was VERY traditional, but really nice.

There was a luncheon served after the service and it was truly a wonderful celebration of Mrs. K's life. Her family was warm and appreciative to all who attended. At each table, the talk was about our memories of Mrs. K - but also some catching up among friends. I saw a friend that I had not seen in 30 years at this luncheon! Mom loves these luncheons. She not only gets to eat a good meal, she gets to socialize. I think that's why Seniors enjoy wakes and funerals so much - they get to see many people that they hadn't seen in a while and they get to socialize with each other.

My perspective on life broadens every day that I am with Mom. I've been thinking about mortality lately. And how some people are "ready" for death. The family of Mrs. K is at peace with her death because they say she was ready. When does that happen? Is there a tipping point? Does this occur when over half of the people you know and love have passed? When you have fulfilled your purpose? When you reach a certain age? What makes you ready?

Maybe attending all the wakes and funeral makes you more ready and this is why Seniors attend so many? I wonder. Questions to ponder...

Back to Normal...

Ah... things are finally back to normal. Mom picked up her new and improved partial from the dentist on Tuesday afternoon and now doesn't have to hide out any longer! Her adventures in getting out started immediately following her dentist appointment. We get into the car and she says, "So, where are we going? What errands do we have to run? Should we stop somewhere and have lunch?" I had to smile. My Mom can smile again without feeling shame and is ready to get out and paint the town. ha ha

I think that Mom wanted to stop at every store that we have ever shopped in just to pick something up and be out and about. We stopped to get some pet food, some groceries, some lottery tickets, and some lunch. She was just so cute.

Unfortunately, it started raining just as we were getting back into our neighborhood, so Mom couldn't go walking around to visit neighbors or go to Gilmart. Bummer.

To make up for lost time, Mom got out of bed early this morning and made her way over to Gilmart bright and early. The sun is shining and Mom is also spreading her sunshine. It's just too cute to see Mom with all this energy and wanting to be out and about. I love it. This is the Mom I know and love!!!

Our House is Like Grand Central Station Today!

There was drama in the neighborhood last night and all the neighbors came out to watch it unfold. I guess that is both the good and the bad of living in our neighborhood. All the neighbors know you, and therefore know your business - that's the bad. The good part is that all the neighbors know you... and actually CARE about you and your business. It's nice, actually.

Our long-time (40+ years) next door neighbor, Mrs. K, died last night. The houses are close together here on the city block and our bathroom and Mrs. K's bathroom are directly across from each other. I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and kept hearing Mrs. K's phone ring. Call after call after call - like someone was trying to reach her. Shortly after, I heard her eldest son speaking to someone saying that she was in the bathroom and he didn't know if she fell or what happened. Just as I was about to tell Mom that I thought something had happened to Mrs. K, we heard the fire truck and ambulance coming down the street. The firemen and ambulance pulled up in front of Mrs. K's home and entered. All the neighbors came out to sit on their porches to watch the drama. After about 10 minutes, the firemen came out and stood around their truck. Our neighbor from the other side of our house (the family from Poland) walked over to talk to the firemen. Mom, of course, urged me to go outside and get the scoop. SHE would not go because of her toothless situation. I pulled on a sweater and went outside. Our neighbor told me that the firemen said Mrs. K was dead. A few other neighbors came over to talk. The firemen left, the ambulance turned off it's lights and waited at the curb. Not good signs. Pretty soon, the police came - no lights or sirens. Another bad sign. Mrs. K's eldest daughter and her husband showed up. The police were in and out of the house several times. Finally, the youngest daughter (my friend C) and her family showed up. They had to travel at least 45 minutes from the suburbs to arrive. Then, a HUGE SUV pulled up to the curb. It started raining and all the neighbors went into their homes. Our phone started ringing. All the "old lady" neighbors were calling my Mom for info (as stated before, my Mom knows everything!). We guessed what had happened, but didn't have confirmation yet. Mom went to bed - I think she was really sad and kind of thinking of her own mortality. I stayed up to watch the rest of the drama unfold. It really hit home when the undertaker wheeled the body out on a stretcher and placed her in the back of the HUGE SUV (no hearse, thank goodness!). Wow. Both Mom and I had a difficult time sleeping last night.

Mom had a dentist appoitment at 8:30am today. They took an impression and kept her partial. Now she really looks like a hockey player! Watch out, Duncan Keith! LOL She will once again be back to a normal smile at 1pm Tuesday. ;-)

My friend C and her brother and sister arrived at their Mother's home this afternoon. I went out and talked to C about the arrangements. Mom started making her phone calls. She is the most awesome "news spreader" around! We are the epicenter for information.

This is the second neighbor that has died since I've been back. Both were parents of my friends growing up in the neighborhood, so both really struck a chord. Not a good day in the neighborhood today.

Mom Still In Hiding

Our saga continues. Mom went to the dentist yesterday to see about getting her missing tooth fixed. The only available appointment was at 2:30pm, so we took that. Unfortunately, that meant that there weren't any options available for getting her "partial" sent out, fixed and returned. There is usually a day's turnaround (at least), but for that to happen, the work has to be sent to the lab before noon.

So, Mom's options were to have the impression taken yesterday, surrender her partial to the lab and get it back on MONDAY afternoon. That meant an entire weekend without her partial... and basically without any/many top teeth. Not a good option.

Option 2 was to set an appointment for first thing Monday morning to take the impression needed, surrender the partial and get the new partial on Tuesday after 1pm. That means "no teeth" for just over a day. Mom took that option - the smart choice if you ask me - which the dentist did. More on that later.

So, poor Mom... is back to looking like a hockey player until Tuesday - 5 days. UGH

The dentist called me into his office to discuss Mom's options with me. Apparently, she was having a hard time understanding her options and couldn't make a decision. From previous encounters, I knew that meant that Mom wasn't HEARING him. I quickly told her what the situation was and helped her to make the decision that she did. It's amazing to see her handle herself when she cannot hear. She basically sits in the chair and smiles and looks like she is listening attentively.

So, readers, watch your elders carefully for this sign. They are not playing dumb. They can't hear you! Updates next week on Mom's toothless saga!!!

My Mother's "Tribute to the Chicago Blackhawks"

Smiles open doors. Smiles make us feel good. Smiles spread our good mood to others. However, did you ever consider the effect on yourself when you couldn't smile or were ashamed to smile?

I ask this question because my Mom doesn't want to smile at the moment. Why? She lost a tooth and currently looks like a hockey player when she smiles. Her timing couldn't be better; last night, the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup! Coincidence?

Mom was eating an ear of corn as part of her dinner last night when this tooth got caught in the corncob, loosened and fell out. Mom has a partial in front and this was an anchor tooth. Poor Mom! You could just see her "deflate" as she looked in the mirror and realized what had happened. Her entire demeanor changed in an instant. She feels horrible about herself. Her attitude is making her lack of energy worse. She is like a wet rag, sitting around doing nothing. It's amazing what happens to your self-confidence when you perceive that there is something "wrong" with your face.

Mom called the dentist this morning and his one and only open appointment is at 2:30pm, so we are headed there shortly. Hopefully, he will be able to fix it today, even if it's a temporary fix. She needs the boost of self-confidence/attitude to keep her on the right track with her health. Keep your fingers crossed for her!!!

Really Low Heart Rate... Again

One of my Mom's health issues is that her heart rate can be really low. When she went into the hospital the last time, her heart rate was in the 30s. Yes, that's right... my Mom's heart beats 35 beats per minute at times. For most people, their heart beats somewhere in the 60-70 beats per minute range. If you're an athlete, it's lower...maybe in the 50s. Not my Mom! Her's is ultra low!

Since I've been back in Chicago, we have done some things to get her heart rate higher. And she has had a heart rate in the mid to upper 40s or even low 50s for the past 6 months or so. But lately (in the past 4-6 weeks), her heart rate has started to decline again.

I have noticed that's Mom's energy is lagging. Now it's showing up in her heart rate. For the past several days now, Mom's heart rate has been in the high 30s... 37, 38, 39. But today, she's getting even lower readings 35, 37, 37. And since she is getting low readings, Mom is obsessed with taking her pulse. Every hour, she goes into a quiet room and takes her pulse. Then she announces it to the house, in general. "My pulse is 37." This has gone on since 11am.

Additionally, I needed to go to the grocery store today. Mom wanted to go with me. I didn't know why she'd want to come along until we were finished shopping and she asked if we could walk over to the pharmacy area so that she could sit at "the machine" and take her blood pressure and pulse rate. Aha! Now I know why she wants to come along! And, unfortunately, she got a reading of 37 for her pulse. UGH

I know that Mom is worried when she says things like "The last time I went into the hospital, my pulse was this low." Like she is warning me or something. Talk about worrying!!! I think I am getting paranoid. Every time I walk into the living room and see Mom napping in her chair, my heart starts to race. That's how my Father died... had a heart attack while sitting in his favorite chair in front of the television. Can my mind make this journey any more terrifying? Oh wait... I think I am developing hives! LOL

Step Away From My Kitchen-Aid Mixer!

Mom and I had quite a full day today as Nick and Marisa (A's twins) are graduating from 8th grade tomorrow and we have several items to make for the party afterwards. My list includes the appetizers (spinach dip and beef/cheese ball), watermelon basket with balls of watermelon/cantaloupe/honeydew melon filling it, Caesar salad, and the dessert (mini cheesecakes with cherry topping). Mom always wants to participate in the preparations, so we try to assign her ONE item to be responsible for. For this party, Mom is to make the Italian sausage.

Mom bought 15 links of Italian sausage from Gilmart yesterday, so she was all prepared to start cooking them this morning so that we'd just have to heat them in the oven for the party. Since she seemed to be having a good time in the kitchen, I let her alone in there and found my recipes and made my shopping list. Mom kept talking to me about the Italian sausage. It was a running commentary of stuff like "I think I'll leave them in the water for an hour." Or "Laverne told me the real Italian way to cook them is to put them in a skillet with water and oil and when the water is gone, they will cook and brown in the oil. Maybe we should try that way." I tried to patiently answer her knowing that her ONE task was important to her and she wanted to do a good job. I thought that her involvement in the party preparations would be over when her job was over. Boy, was I wrong!

First, Mom wanted to go shopping with me. If you have read previous posts, you know what my Mother is like in the store. Her shopping cart is a deadly weapon! And we were headed to TWO different stores today!

Second, Mom wanted to browse around and look at other items for us to get. When I'm shopping for a party, I am a "woman on a mission". There is no fooling around. No browsing. Get in/get out/make the food/done. That's how I operate when there are things to get done. Not today!

Third, Mom wanted to go home between visits to the stores. I just sucked it up at this point and did as she asked.

Fourth, we had been home for about an hour when Mom started nagging me about when I was going to make all my food. So again, I just sucked it up and went into the kitchen to do what had to be done.

Those of you who know me, know that I L.O.V.E. to cook and bake. I take great pleasure in the entire process; getting the ingredients, preparing for the cooking/baking, making the food and presenting/eating the food. I also LOVE my kitchen items. When I moved, the only items that I absolutely would not sell were the Kitchen Aid stand mixer, the Cuisinart coffee maker with grinder and my Dyson vacuum. That says something, doesn't it?

Anyway, Mom decides to be in the kitchen at the same time as I am. After 10 minutes of trying to work around her, I just left. I told her to let me know when she was done. She was cutting pickles and putting olives into containers to take... stuff like that. After about 15 minutes, she told me to come back. She just sat at the kitchen table and watched. Well, that's not all she did. She commented. On everything. The beef/cheese ball needed more meat. The spinach was still frozen and couldn't be used yet. The balls of fruit for the watermelon boat were too small... why didn't I use an ice cream scoop.

I could go on, but you have the idea. There was no JOY OF COOKING tonight. Or at least not until I figured out that Mom just wanted to participate. Maybe she even wanted to be creative. Or feel useful. So, I gave her small tasks. My list of items to make went much smoother after that. And it didn't really take me all that much longer. What are an extra hour or two in the scheme of things anyway???

Energy Levels - Down, Down, Down

Mom has always said, "As long as I have an appetite and can eat, you don't have to worry about me." Well, today, for the first time in as long as I can remember, Mom just said that she doesn't have much of an appetite. Yikes!

In addition, she has really low energy for the second day in a row. Mom isn't feeling like doing much. She said that yesterday, she would do one thing (like wash the dishes) and then have to sit down and rest/watch some TV before she could motivate herself to do something else. This is just not like Mom!

When I got home last night, she even had a list of things that I had to "finish up" for her! She left a load of laundry in the dryer because she didn't feel that her legs would support her if she went to the basement to get the clothes. Again, yikes!

I also noticed that she just didn't have the ability to tolerate certain things. For instance, Mom has a hard time turning off the TV in the living room. The on/off button sits a little funnily and you have to press it just right in order for the TV to turn off. I have no problem with this, but since Mom cannot see very well, she has to do some strange maneuvering in order to turn the TV off (don't ask!). Last night, she attempted this once and then gave up. She just left the living room... didn't turn off any lights along the way as she usually does. It was just like she had run out of energy and couldn't do one more thing.

Now THIS worries me.

Visiting the Relatives at the Cemetery

Mom and I went to the cemetery yesterday to "visit" my Dad and other relatives that are buried there. Since my Dad was a veteran, Mom always likes to ensure that Dad has some flowers and a flag on his grave marker prior to Memorial Day. I have never really seen the point of "visiting" someone's grave, but Mom wants to do this, so I take her when she wants to go. What's a couple of hours in the scheme of things, right?

At the best of times, visits to the cemetery revolve around "hunting" for the grave that you want to visit. Since we only visit a few times each year, we do not remember precisely where the grave is, but instead remember landmarks and look for the grave based on the landmarks.

My Mom knows where every relative’s grave is located in this cemetery. On our previous visit, she could tell me exactly which number lot and then point to whatever landmark anchored her memory. For instance, my Dad’s grave is located in Lot 63 and we remember where this is located because there is a gardener’s shed in the adjacent plot. Once we arrived at Lot 63, we look for a specific tree and a specific monument and my Dad’s grave is within the space between the two. Complicated, yes. But it has worked for Mom for many years. During our last visit, we located and visited the graves of all but 2 of our relatives buried there.

This year, the process was much more complicated and time consuming as Mom’s memory wasn’t quite what is was last time. I anticipated that we’d have some trouble finding graves this time, so I thought it would be a good idea to write down a more precise location of the graves so that I could easily locate them in the future.

I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed the game of “treasure hunting” Mom and I played for a couple of hours at Resurrection Cemetery yesterday! It was quite entertaining. I’m sure that any observers would have laughed until their stomach’s ached as we went to certain lots and Mom would give me clues: “Tom and Helen’s grave is right around that monument… if we find Tommy and Jeanne’s grave, it’s just over there (pointing) from them. I remember walking just a little ways up and to the left from their grave.” Great clues, right? You just have to laugh.

So, I got a good start on my suntan and even got a bit of exercise during our 2 hour visit. And I took really good notes so that I could find the graves myself as Mom’s memory/clues don’t make it easy to find what she’s looking for any longer. It’s just another thing to do to preserve the family history. ;-)

Even Mom Needs Some Space

Mom and I were having a late lunch today when she surprised me by saying, "I think I'm going to take a walk over to Gilmart." It's a gorgeous day today without a cloud in the crystal blue sky with temperatures in the 70's, so I wasn't worried about Mom exhausting herself in the heat and/or humidity. It might be a nice change of pace for her to take a walk, but I wanted to make sure that this wasn't a fishing expedition to see if I'd drive her. You know how that goes... the subtle hint.

I told Mom that I'd be happy to drive her to Gilmart if she wanted. I even mentioned that I had books to return to the library, so I could drop her off at Gilmart and go to the library (the library is across Archer Avenue from Gilmart). She said, "No, that's all right... I'll just walk."

Now I was getting suspicious. I told her that I could drop her off, go to the library and then come home and she could walk home if she wanted to stay at Gilmart for awhile. Again, she said, "No, that's all right... I think I want to walk."

I had my suspicions that Mom wanted to go play some lottery scratch tickets, so I asked one more time if she was sure that she didn't want a ride. When she said "No" yet again, I knew that I was right. Or maybe she wanted to go meet her pals there... she usually runs into several people she knows when we're at the store. Or maybe... like me... she just needed some space.

Boundaries: It's Not ALL About Mom

Many of us go through life with a focus on self. Decisions, choices, alternatives... they are evaluated based on the answer to "How does this affect me?" As life changes and we grow and expand our universe to include spouses and children, our focus also expands. Evaluations are based on "How does this affect us?" or "How does this affect Person A and also me?" When we add aging parents into our life, our universe is again expanded. However, evaluations are mainly based on the answer to "How does this affect THEM?" Granted, some decisions must include THEM and ME/US (like where an aging parent might live), but often the focus in on THEM.

I write this to remind you that it is NOT all about them. The temptation can be to make it all about THEM and to lose yourself in the process. This is not good for anyone, especially you. Early on, please learn to set boundaries. Because if you do not, there will be nothing but trouble.

Case in point: I have been doing a bit of tutoring/consulting for a Nurse that is pursuing an advanced degree and wanted a bit of assistance with a Statistics class that she is taking. Anyone that has lived through a Stats class knows the effort that is required to understand and embrace the concepts necessary to attain a passing grade. This nurse had an assignment and asked me about a specific portion of the assignment relating to an article on a study, it's hypotheses and it's conclusions/results. Mom was watching the finale of Dancing With The Stars, so I figured that it'd be a great time for me to read the article and get some work done. Wrong!

I am laughing as I remember how this evening went for me. I told Mom that I had to read the article and do some work. She left me alone for about 45 minutes before she started shouting from the other room. First, it was all about DWTS and who was dancing or getting eliminated. Then, it was about her... wanting a glass of water to take her pill, wanting the grapes from the refrigerator, wanting me to come join her to see who was going to win, wanting my company, I guess! You can already imagine how much reading I got done when I took the article into the living room and joined her (none!). Reminding her of the work I had to do certainly didn't work. What's a girl to do?

I could have gotten angry at her for not respecting me and what I had to do this evening. In the past, I would have gotten angry. Tonight, I reminded myself that I'd have peace in just a short time when she went to bed. And so I waited.

My point is that we must all figure out when it's time to take some time for ourselves. We must make time. Whether it's a specific time each day or week or just some randomly grabbed moments. Time for yourself and your projects is key to maintaining your sanity and sense of self. You cannot help others (specifically, aging parents) if you do not help yourself.

That Darned Arm!

There are many challenges we face as we age. However, there aren't many more daunting than coming to terms with your own body failing you. As we start to age, we may face ONE thing at a time that starts to fail; we may need reading glasses, we may get tired more quickly, our endurance starts to fade, our skin begins to sag. Luckily, we have time to adjust to each of these. But there comes a day of reckoning. One in which all of these individual failings catch up with us. This is aging.

It's tough to imagine this day of reckoning coming. It's even tougher to watch this day of reckoning occur and not be able to do a thing about it.

Mom's arm is getting worse. The arthritis in her arm is bad. Mom is now willing to take a Tylenol (or a generic substitute!) to lessen the pain. She is using heat to help her arm feel better. She is using that Ortho-Nesic cream to get some relief. Still, the arm is failing.

Mom is losing strength in that arm. She finds it hard to hold her purse with that hand. She can't move her arm around to buckle the seat belt into place. She is only wearing blouses that button in the front. And now this - she is having difficulty using that arm to pull things up. Like her socks. Like her pants. This is not good.

The best analogy I can think of is to compare the loss of strength and function of her arm to the loss of function you have when you break your arm. The arm won't bend in certain ways. You're in constant pain. The hand and arm are not functioning together to perform tasks. You just can't do what you used to do. The bad news is that unlike a broken bone which has the ability to heal, Mom's arm failure is more permanent. I don't think she's getting this function back. Bummer.

The Volume of the TV - Part 2

Mom's favorite television show is "Grey's Anatomy". She is a H.U.G.E. McDreamy fan! Each Thursday night, she ensures that dinner is finished and all the dishes are done early so that she can sit down and enjoy an hour of television "guilt free". It's really fun to see her so excited about something, no matter what it is.

Last night, we watched the two hour season finale of "Grey's Anatomy". It was marked "Viewer Discretion Advised", so I knew it was going to be interesting. Within the first few moments, we saw that the show was going to be filled with violence and suspense. Mom was on the edge of her seat as different characters had encounters with the gunman and escaped, got shot, and lived or died.

I could tell that Mom was really straining to hear what was being said. She kept asking me questions like "What was that?" or "What did he say?". Knowing that this is Mom's favorite show, I turned up the volume to just shy of loud. The questions stopped, but when I asked a question of Mom like "Can you believe that x just said that?", Mom gave me a puzzled look. So I turned up the volume. Now we were at loud.

The show was nearing it's climax and there were a couple of whispered or softer-voiced conversations. I asked Mom if she could hear. She said "Yes, but it's hard for me to catch everything when they are whispering". The moment of truth was upon me. This is Mom's favorite show. It is the season finale. There was only 20 or so minutes left. What would I do?

Well, in the scheme of things, it's only 20 minutes out of my lifetime. My heart could pound like I was in a surround sound movie theater for the next 20 minutes with no permanent damage, right? My headache would not reach migraine proportions in 20 minutes, would it? Of course I'd be fine.

So, I turned up the volume to REALLY loud. And enjoyed the rest of the show with Mom.

And this morning, I was glad that I had made the right decision. Mom couldn't stop talking about what happened on "Grey's Anatomy" last night. And she actually heard all that was said. ;-)

The Second Time Around

Mom had a regularly scheduled doctor's appointment yesterday for an INR. I refer to this as a coumadin check. As long as we get a reading between 2 and 3, we don't have to visit this doctor for another month. A reading lower than 2 or higher than 3, and we're back the following Monday. I cross my fingers every time we go for an INR. Luck was with us; Mom's reading was 2.3, so we don't have another appointment until June.

I asked Mom to speak with the doctor (Dr. K)about taking that Tylenol... oh, excuse me, that generic version of Tylenol...when her arm hurt. Her arm has REALLY been bothering her lately, so I want her to feel comfortable taking something for the pain. Again, luck was with us, as Dr. K looked at the box the W-brand of forbidden pills came in and said "Yes, you can take one of these for pain." Alleluia!!!!! I did not have to resort to deception and trickery in order to get Mom to take some pain killers. ;-)

Mom was up early (for her) at 8am since we had a 10am appointment at Rush. We ran a couple of errands after the appointment, then came home to find a message on our answering machine reminding us of a band concert (Marisa's final band concert) at 7pm that night. Mom really wanted to go, so we grabbed an early dinner and headed to Westchester and Divine Providence School since that was where the concert was. Got home just after 9pm and Mom decided to get into her pajamas and lay down for a moment. "A moment" turned into 45 minutes when she got up to tell me that she was really tired and was going to bed.

These are the times that trouble me. I took a good look at Mom and could see that she was plain old worn out. She really needed to go to bed at that time. I stayed up later than normal and kept getting up to ensure that she was still breathing. There must have been something to the look on Mom's face when she went to bed that gave me concern. I was truly worried. However, luck was once again on my side and I have nothing extraordinary to report. Sometimes, ordinary and usual if just fine and dandy.

Branding and Senior Citizens

Mom often has muscle pain. We've talked to her about taking a Tylenol before bedtime so that she'd sleep better and wake up feeling more refreshed. Mom was hesitant. With all the medication she takes, she wanted to make sure that taking a Tylenol did not interfere with anything, especially with the pill she takes at bedtime. When we visited her cardiologist about a month ago, we specifically asked the question "Is it ok for Mom to take a regular strength Tylenol at bedtime, even with the medication she takes? Will it interfere with any of her meds?" The cardiologist assured us that taking a Tylenol occasionally would not do any harm.

With that in mind, we have been searching for regular strength Tylenol. Our regular drug store (where Mom gets all her prescriptions filled) had pulled it off the shelves for some reason and hasn't had it in stock. I have checked on the stock status every time I'm at this particular drug store, but they still don't have it on the shelves. Apparently, most people are buying extra strength Tylenol and not regular strength Tylenol. Who knew?

I mentioned all of this to my sister and asked her to check her drug store the next time she stopped by there. My sister must have found some because when we got together for Mother's Day, she gave my Mom a bottle of it. I didn't give it another thought until yesterday. Mom handed me the opened package and said "You keep these in your room. I won't be taking these because there's a warning that says to "Ask a doctor or pharmacist before use if the user is taking the blood thinning drug warfarin"".

I looked at Mom quizzically and said "Yes. We asked Dr. T about it and he said it's ok for you to occasionally take a Tylenol. You can go ahead and take these".

Mom was adament; "These are not Tylenol. I can't take these."

I patiently explained that the drugstore brand of Acetaminophen was the same thing as Tylenol. The box even has the phrase "Compare to Tylenol Regular Strength Tablets active ingredient".

I tried to explain that this was the same thing as getting a generic prescription drug rather than the name brand drug. This is a concept that Mom is familiar with and I thought it might help. No dice. Mom is convinced that the drug store brand will kill her. (Yes, there is a warning on the box that states something to that effect regarding overdosing). So, it's Tylenol or nothing according to Mom.

Branding is going to be the death of me.

Wandering the Aisles

Mom and I checked out a grocery store in our neighborhood that recently opened. The new Shop-n-Save has a LARGE produce section, aisles for ethnic food (mainly Polish and Mexican style items), and uses about a dozen loss leaders to get you into their store. The loss leaders are so huge that you just have to come in and take a look! That's what happened to us; we got pulled in by the marketing.

Mom likes to push the cart when we're shopping. She needs a place for her purse as her arm muscles are weakening. She also uses the cart for balance and stability as her leg muscles grow weaker. Fine with me as it's less for me to worry about.

I already know that we're going to proceed slowly through the store; that's just how an 83 year old woman moves and I just keep pace with Mom and deal with it. However, other shoppers do not know that my Mother moves as slowly as molasses in January. They do not know that she cannot see or hear them approach her from behind while she is strolling slowly down the middle of the aisle. She does not realize that she is blocking the path for those unfortunate enough to be stuck behind her. Her diminishing senses keep her from realizing that there are people who want to get past her.

Sometimes I find it necessary to intervene. I can tell how impatient some people are and just want to yell at her to MOVE. So I try to guide her over to the side of the aisle to let those anxious folks pass. Mom remains oblivious. Even as I'm trying to steer her and the cart over, she just doesn't comprehend what I'm doing. It's at these times when I might say something to those anxious people. Something like "It's much easier on all of us if she just does her thing and we maneuver around her."

Some people are really nice about all of this. I get LOADS of comments like "I understand your situation completely!" or "I deal with that also!". Other times, I just get dirty looks. Some people just don't understand what it's like to age and slow down. It's not like Mom wants to do this. It's just the aging process.

My message? Let's all gain some tolerance. Dig deep for a little kindness. Someday, it just may be YOU that's wandering the aisles!

Socializing... and Boyfriends?

Mom loves to socialize. She has many planned activities that keep her busy. Some are weekly (like Bingo), others are bi-weekly (the Senior Citizens Club), some are monthly (the Rosary Sodality at our Church). These activities and meetings keep Mom busy and active and help to maintain friendships she has had for over 40 years, in some cases.

Additionally, Mom enjoys simple trips to the store (Gilmart) and treats these as chances to socialize. There hasn't been a trip to Gilmart in which Mom won't run into someone she knows. They always want to chat with Mom, too! They ask about lottery and her winnings lately or about the grandkids (Adrienne's kids... certainly *I* have not contributed on this front!). It's fun to see the men and women who know Mom and want to chat with her.

So recently, when Mom has returned from some such socialization and is telling me the story about it, she has mentioned some MAN who put his arm around her or gave her a hug or told her she was looking good, etc. The interesting part of this is that the SAME man doesn't appear in each of these stories. It's a DIFFERENT man in each of her tellings!

It certainly appears that my Mom still has the ability to generate the attention of male admirers! I know that Mom likes this attention. I wonder if she misses having a boyfriend? This might be something to pursue... a project for me to work on. I think it would be good for Mom to have the attention of a devoted male admirer, don't you?

Ready, Set, Go... Looking Like a Ski Jumper

Mom's muscles have really been hurting her lately. She has been making comments more regularly about her arm hurting. She's also been saying that her muscles have been weak at times.

I've observed Mom's arm weakness. That's why I am now helping her with buckling the seat belt when she rides in my vehicle. However, she's also been carrying her purse in a strange position and when I mention it, she says that her arm feels weak and she can't carry her purse with that arm. Now, we're not talking about a large or heavy purse, so I've got to wonder just how weak her arm is feeling.

I've also observed Mom's leg muscles weakening. Very often, when Mom tries to get up from a seated position, she must "rock" herself up to a standing position. To an observer, I'm sure it looks like Mom is a ski jumper, seated in the starting gate and getting ready to propel herself down the slope. From my perspective, I see one of those puffy/raised toilet seats and maybe a couple of inflatable cushions in our immediate future. Ready, set, go!!!!

I'm So Dizzy, My Head Is Spinning...

Mom is dizzy today. That awful, room is spinning, kind of dizzy. What a horrible feeling!

About 8am, I hear a voice faintly calling me, "M, are you up?" There are only a couple of things worse than hearing your 83 year old Mother calling for you! I had heard Mom up much earlier (around 6:30am) when she went to the bathroom. I thought that she got up to take her pill. Not the case.

I go into Mom's bedroom to find that she is trying to sit up in bed, but is holding her head. She asks me to go get her pills from the bathroom. She needs to take her pill but she doesn't want to get out of bed as she is dizzy. The room is spinning. I can tell that it's bad as I help her to sit up and watch her face. It takes several minutes for the room to right itself and stop spinning.

I ask if she was dizzy when she went to bed. She says that she wasn't, but that at 3:30am when she got up to go to the bathroom, she was REALLY dizzy. She had to stay in the bathroom for 10 minutes before she could make it back to bed. Side note: Did she call me for help then? No! UGH

When she got up to go to the bathroom at 6:30am, she was still pretty dizzy. Just wanted to go lay back down so didn't take her pill. The room spins when she tries to sit-up or when she lays back down. Takes a good few minutes for it to stop.

Mom had a problem with dizziness awhile back. She got a prescription for Meclazine that helped a great deal. She asks me to check her pill bag for that bottle of pills and bring it to her. The prescription dates back to 2006. Oops! Looks like it's time for another one.

I know that the dizziness is bad when Mom takes one of those pills. I hope that she will be fine in a bit. It can't be fun to have the room spinning, especially if it's not alcohol-induced spinning! ;-)

Does the Weather Affect Aches and Pains?

Mom is hurting a lot today. She is really stiff. Her back hurts, her legs hurt, her arm hurts. I can tell by how she is walking that she is in pain. It is taking lots of effort for her to get up out of her chair today. She is wincing. Her pain is much more noticeable than usual.

I wonder if the change in weather has anything to do with her pain and/or stiffness? Although the weather is still really nice today (70's), it's very windy and there is rain in the forecast for tonight. Does the impending rain influence Mom's aches and pains? Or is it just random?

I have told Mom to take a Tylenol for the pain, but she will not. Can you say "stubborn"?

The interesting thing is that in a couple of hours, once Mom arrives at Bingo, her pain will miraculously be gone. Mom always says that no matter how much she is hurting, once she gets to Bingo and is concentrating on something else, she doesn't notice the pain. She walks around freely and is fine for those couple of hours.

I'm really glad to know that Mom will enjoy herself at Bingo tonight and will be "pain free" for a couple of hours. That'll be good for her.

And good for me, too. I sooooooooooooo look forward to Mom's Bingo nights! ;-)

Technology

My Mom is afraid of the telephone.

No, I don't mean that she has some phobia that a phone is going to attack her or anything like that. My Mom doesn't like the telephone for (at least) two reasons that I'm aware of:

1. Mom does NOT like phone trees. Now that customer service representatives have gone by the wayside in favor of technology, Mom does not like to make the phone calls necessary to conduct her business.

You know the story. Press 1 for English; press 2 for Spanish. Press 1 if you'd like to know our hours of operation; press 2 if you have a metered account; press 3 if you have a non-metered account; press 4 for more options. My Mom HATES dealing with phone trees. I don't know why she finds it so difficult to deal with,but she'd much prefer speaking to a real, live person. Technology defeats her. Someone else can deal with the phone trees, but it's not going to be her.

2. Mom can't hear all that well on the phone. We have a telephone that amplifies sound, but she still has some trouble hearing. There are a lot of times that she's speaking on the phone and I'll overhear her say "What? I can't hear you really well." When she's not looking, I'll dial up the volume on our telephone a bit in order to help her out. However, I have to remember to turn it down when I answer the phone, otherwise, it's as if the caller is shouting at me!

The funny thing is that I have been wondering for the past year why Mom always wants me to answer the phone at the house. I thought it was because she did not want to deal with solicitors, telemarketers, and survey-takers. Now, I understand a bit more about how her senses are diminishing with age and it occurred to me that she wants to hide her "disability" (from me? from herself?) for just a little longer. As long as it's not really harmful, I guess it's ok that we leave her with this illusion.

Coincidence?

The mind works in very mysterious ways. Isn't it interesting that when most memory loss begins, the short-term or most recent memories are lost, but the long-term memories remain intact?

Mom has had several incidents of short-term memory loss. Or maybe it's simply the aging process. Some days, it seems that she is fine... a normal 83 year old woman. On other days, I worry about what I perceive as "holes" in her memory. However, her memories from childhood do not appear to be affected.

For example, we were watching the WGN news today. One of the stories they had on was about an author who did a biography on Al Capone. Al Capone was a famous Chicago gangster/mobster from the Depression/Prohibition Era. The St. Valentine's Day Massacre is attributed to him. On February 14, 1929, seven people (5 of them members of a rival North side Irish gang) were allegedly killed by members of Al Capone's South side Italian gang.

As this story was being told, Mom says, "I'm pretty sure that Al Capone came to the farm when I was a kid." What???????????

The story goes that Harry D. (neighbor and related through marriage) brings some friends from Chicago to the farm when Mom was about 7 years old. This would be around 1934. They arrive in a Model T car. They have lots of gifts that they bring to the family... pots, pans, dishes, etc. Apparently, Harry D. had robbed a bank and met this man when in prison. Mom says that she didn't know who Al Capone was at the time, but in later years put it together after seeing his picture. They must have had a good visit, because Mom remembers all the adults drinking and laughing together.

What an awesome memory! Who could predict that Mom would later move to Chicago and end up living on the South side? Life is certainly filled with coincidence, isn't it?

Beware the Unusual!

My Mother has a million sayings. One of her most used saying is "Beware the unusual!" Apparently there is some big shock/change in store for you when you start to encounter unusual things happening all together in a "cluster of events". I tried doing some research on this superstition, but couldn't unearth anything that could tell me what was suppose to happen (good? bad?) or where this superstition came from.

If you read my last blog post, you know that Mom and I encountered the unusual on Friday. I didn't really think anything of it or the superstition until this morning when Mom got out of bed at 7:15am and announced "I can't sleep anymore. I have so much to do today, I'm going to get up." Now this unusual occurrence really got my attention! As you know, Mom is a late sleeper. But not today! She got up, had breakfast, did the breakfast dishes, got dressed and even went outside to check on the progress of the dandelions on our front lawn. I'm floored. Who is this woman?

Compounding the unusual are all the phone calls that we've received this morning. Mom's friends generally do not call early in the morning, but 3 of them have called her this morning. Before noon. What is going on here?

I commented to Mom about all of this. And, of course, she said "Beware the unusual!". I wonder what's going to happen? Maybe Mom will win big on the lottery. Now wouldn't that be a nice surprise for her!?! Stay tuned!

There's Nothing Wrong With Her Lungs!

Mom and I had an eventful day on Friday! It started out as just a regular old Friday. I dropped Mom off at the beauty salon for her regular 11am appointment. She got her hair done and visited with her pals, then walked over the Gilmart (the Polish deli/store) to play some lottery and see what they had on the lunch menu. Gilmart has an area of the store that has hot food for sale to either eat in (there is a small area with seating) or take-out. The food is great! They give you tons of food and it's an inexpensive meal - enough to share! So, Mom wanders over to see what's on the menu and decides to buy some fish and some noodles & cabbage (Gilmart makes THE BEST noodles & cabbage ever!). She brings this all home and we have lunch together. That's when she springs it on me. "Larry C's father died and the wake is today at Wolniak's from 2-9pm. Since I have Bingo tonight, I'd like to go before Bingo. Will you take me?" UGH No wonder she was so nice to me and bought food from Gilmart! haha

I know how much it means to Mom to go to these wakes/visitations. So I happily drive her over there (it's only a few miles away). I bring my current book to read as I wait in the car. This is my compromise for taking her to all the wakes/visitations. I don't have to go in with her unless I know the person and want to. She doesn't take too long... and it's starting to rain as she is getting into my vehicle... and the kids are getting out of school just about then. Needless to say, traffic is crazy being Friday afternoon, raining and around school dismissal time.

We are in the left turn lane, third from the front, when the action starts. A white van pulls into the left turn lane on the street to my left (where I'm heading). A moment later, we hear sirens and think that an ambulance is headed our way. WRONG! A grey vehicle screeches to a stop in front of the white van, pulling parallel to it so that it's path forward is blocked. Two guys (undercover police officers) get out of the grey vehicle WITH GUNS DRAWN and start yelling at the driver to get out of his vehicle. They pull the driver out of the van, toss him on the ground, and proceed to try to handcuff him while he is struggling to get away. OMG! Really? In my neighborhood?

I am stunned just about speechless, but manage to bring Mom's attention to all the action. Mom, on the other hand, starts screaming at me. "Move! Don't turn over there! Go straight! Get away from there!" Her reaction was priceless. She may not be able to see or hear all that well anymore, but there is certainly nothing wrong with her lungs!

P.S. We're fine. The police handled it like the professionals they are and no one was harmed. Just a little excitement in our otherwise quiet and normal lives.

Yes, Virginia, There Really Is A Santa Claus!

I've heard it said that those with memory loss meet new people every day. I think this applies to THINGS as well. Mom tends to find new items, especially clothing, every day. Just yesterday, she was looking through her closet to find a Spring jacket since the weather is turning warmer. She pulled out a blue and white jacket, looked at the size, and asked if it was mine. I looked at it, recognized it as something she'd worn last Spring, and told her so. She replied, "No, I didn't. I've never seen this jacket before in my life!" Ummmmm... wrong! She had seen it before. She wore it last year. Seriously, doesn't she remember????? How can she not?????

Something similar happened in the Fall. She reached into her closet, pulled out a red barn jacket from Land's End, asked if it was mine, and said "I've never seen this jacket before in my life!" Only, that time, I had not ever seen the jacket before. Strange. I thought it was coincidence, but Mom was convinced that someone had come into our house and put the jacket in our closet. I can only smile. Apparently, Santa Claus DOES exist.

Mom's logic escapes me. But I let it go because I don't want her to feel badly. I think she knows that she is not making sense. I think she knows that her memory is failing her. If she knows this, she doesn't need me to make the point any stronger. It's my job is make this phase of her life easier. So, if she thinks there is a Santa Claus, then so do I. ;-)

Oh, My Aching Bones!

My Mom is NOT a complainer. She handles pain and stiffness pretty well and will always answer the questions of how she is with a "Pretty good!" response. So when I hear her saying "Oh, my bones!" or "Oh, my aching bones!" or "Oh, I'm so stiff!" or "Oh, my muscles!", I know that she has to be in a lot of pain. She has been saying some variation of this every day for the past week.

We did some weeding in the front yard the other day, so I expected her to feel some consequences from doing yard work. But I certainly didn't expect the winces I saw when she got into my vehicle and started to reach for the seatbelt. Her arms cannot move in those backwards, twisty directions any longer! Looks like I will be getting the seatbelt into position for Mom when I help her into my vehicle now. ;-)

Most mornings, Mom wakes up with pain. I've heard tales from former professional athletes about how they take an hour to get out of bed in the morning because they are so stiff and have to warm up their muscles to get them moving. Maybe that's why Mom lays in bed for awhile in the morning! This morning, Mom actually told me that she would start taking a Tylenol before she went to bed in order to help the pain. This is a MAJOR win for us!!!!! However, on the way to her doctor's visit this morning, we had a bit of an "argument" because she did not want to tell her doctor about her stiffness because "she did not want to deal with getting x-rays or anything like that". Did I mention that my Mother is STUBBORN???

In addition to the "argument", we talked a bit about grammar schools (we passed a few on the drive to the doctor's office) and Mom talked about her grammar school days. My Mom grew up on a farm in Iowa. She is one of 15 children. They all walked to school (a couple of miles) and attended a one-room schoolhouse. Remember what school was like on "Little House of the Prairie"? That's the kind of grammar school my Mom attended. One of her favorite memories is of her dipping Alice's (the girl who sat in front of her) pigtails in her inkwell. Apparently, my Mother was a "stinker"! Some things never change.