Boundaries: It's Not ALL About Mom

Many of us go through life with a focus on self. Decisions, choices, alternatives... they are evaluated based on the answer to "How does this affect me?" As life changes and we grow and expand our universe to include spouses and children, our focus also expands. Evaluations are based on "How does this affect us?" or "How does this affect Person A and also me?" When we add aging parents into our life, our universe is again expanded. However, evaluations are mainly based on the answer to "How does this affect THEM?" Granted, some decisions must include THEM and ME/US (like where an aging parent might live), but often the focus in on THEM.

I write this to remind you that it is NOT all about them. The temptation can be to make it all about THEM and to lose yourself in the process. This is not good for anyone, especially you. Early on, please learn to set boundaries. Because if you do not, there will be nothing but trouble.

Case in point: I have been doing a bit of tutoring/consulting for a Nurse that is pursuing an advanced degree and wanted a bit of assistance with a Statistics class that she is taking. Anyone that has lived through a Stats class knows the effort that is required to understand and embrace the concepts necessary to attain a passing grade. This nurse had an assignment and asked me about a specific portion of the assignment relating to an article on a study, it's hypotheses and it's conclusions/results. Mom was watching the finale of Dancing With The Stars, so I figured that it'd be a great time for me to read the article and get some work done. Wrong!

I am laughing as I remember how this evening went for me. I told Mom that I had to read the article and do some work. She left me alone for about 45 minutes before she started shouting from the other room. First, it was all about DWTS and who was dancing or getting eliminated. Then, it was about her... wanting a glass of water to take her pill, wanting the grapes from the refrigerator, wanting me to come join her to see who was going to win, wanting my company, I guess! You can already imagine how much reading I got done when I took the article into the living room and joined her (none!). Reminding her of the work I had to do certainly didn't work. What's a girl to do?

I could have gotten angry at her for not respecting me and what I had to do this evening. In the past, I would have gotten angry. Tonight, I reminded myself that I'd have peace in just a short time when she went to bed. And so I waited.

My point is that we must all figure out when it's time to take some time for ourselves. We must make time. Whether it's a specific time each day or week or just some randomly grabbed moments. Time for yourself and your projects is key to maintaining your sanity and sense of self. You cannot help others (specifically, aging parents) if you do not help yourself.